The End Is Near (but I'm glad it's not here yet)

I'm in week 36 with less than 3 weeks to go! 
I'm in a fair bit of pain and I'm super emotional, but I am going ok.
Since starting this account I always promised myself I'd be honest and raw and speak many unspoken, often taboo, truths.
This pregnancy has been no exception. Some have beautiful pregnancies and love every moment of growing a human. Don't get me wrong - there's lots that I have loved - but it's been hard. Harder than I thought. One symptom eases up and another one takes over. I'm exhausted, sore and hormonal. But you've heard those complaints before. Here are some symptoms I have that I'd never even heard about.
🥵Hot, hormonal flushes - including some serious night time sweats - and generally being quite warm.
🥴Incredibly uncomfortable, shooting, nervy pain making me feel like I need to wee - but I don't. Oh, but sometimes I do - and I wee myself in the supermarket.
😴Sleeplessness and insomnia. Oh, and I've started snoring. Which isn't helping with the sleeping because I'm waking myself up.
Basically, I'm an absolute catch at the moment! But chatting with the little bump to stay put for 3 more weeks til she's due.
Now, don't think it's all doom and gloom in pregnancy world!
There are some things I'm LOVING, that I didn't actually expect to.
First off are the kicks. Previous to being pregnant, the thought of a baby squirming in my belly made me shudder. It seemed so alien like and, well... gross! But I soon realised that opinion had changed when I was in my early days and willing my baby to kick me for reassurance. Since then, every kick is exciting. Literally every time I'm so amazed that there's a living being in my womb, that can kick and flap and twirl.  Mind blown!
The second thing I'm loving is my growing belly. I was worried I'd hate getting bigger but I love it. I rub my tummy constantly and always catch a glimpse of myself walking passed the mirror. Yes it's uncomfortable and yes it's pretty itchy, but I'll seriously miss having a big, round, hard tummy in a few weeks.
Amongst all this, my anxiety is on the rise. What am I anxious about? Everything, to be honest. But being prepared and organised is helping me a little. 
I'm anxious about how the actual surgery and recovery will be. I'm anxious about an actual baby being lifted out of me and then that's our baby - like forever. I'm incredibly anxious about breast feeding (as in I'd go as far as to say I have a phobia of it) - I'm going to try, but I'm also very happy to formula feed. But I want to say I tried. I'm anxious to go home and it's harder than I realise, and I'm so tired. I'm anxious that I'm a mum now forever. Baby, toddler, kid, teen, adult  - so many stages, all with their own list of things for me to worry about!
 
So how do I sum up my pregnancy? Not without its challenges. I've been challenged physically, mentally, socially. But they say you don't get what you can't handle. And I'll agree with that here. I haven't regretted deciding to become a mum for one single second. Even in the hardest moments, I've felt grateful to be growing a baby. I've been in awe of what my body can do. For something so natural - it seems pretty freaking unnatural to me! It's jaw droppingly insane that a human body can grow - like actually grow - a baby.
 
See you on the flip side, blogosphere.

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