I originally set up my Instagram account and website as a documentation and blog on my weight loss journey. Well, I got there. I lost 25kgs and I really did enjoy the journey. Sadly, what started as fun became obsession, and my eating became disordered. I became far too consumed by the macros I was eating that my binge eating and anxiety came to a head. After months of guilt and, "I'll start again tomorrow", I gained back what I had lost over my journey. My binge eating was becoming more and more regular, and the amounts I was eating became larger and larger.
The concept of intuitive eating was something that I was familiar with, but not something I was interested in because we all know that to lose weight you must eat in a calorie deficit - meaning you are burning more calories than you are consuming. And if you are eating intuitively, how can you know how many calories you are eating!!? I actually giggle at this thought now because I. Just. Don't. Care.
At the moment I am working on self love and body acceptance at any size and shape. I'm learning, day by day, that the Eloise on the left isn't any less special than the Eloise on the right. It's hard, because the Eloise on the right gets so many compliments, "you look so great", "I can't believe how different you look", where as society hasn't really learnt to give compliments to girls who put on weight.
I no longer weigh myself and have sold or donated all all of my smaller clothes. I still train a lot (a mixture of resistance training and conditioning with two different personal trainers), as well as being as active as I can daily with my work and my fur children. I buy clothing and accessories (hello bright and giant earrings) that make me feel great about me and I love to eat out with my husband and friends.
I won't lie and say that I jump out of bed each morning and love my body. I still pick at my cellulite, rolls and the way my body looks in clothing some days. But this is a journey. I'm learning to accept that I'm not naughty for not eating as I had planned and I'm not unworthy because I'm not a size 10. I'm making great progress with my binge eating and who knows, one day I might even drop some of the extra squish I've gained! But for now my life is about eating intuitively, living mindfully and doing so much of what makes me happy.